Lost
by LiBeTh
Summary: When the past comes tapping at your window, the least you could do is say something back.


Lost  
By: LiBeTh  
  
Some people may remember a fanfiction I wrote awhile ago titled Flambez La Fleur, and if you don't, well, it's in my profile. It's definitely not the best.  
  
Anyway, I gave up writing that a few months ago. The characters were getting OOC and a relationship was pretty much sprouting too fast. Thus, I said I'd make a re-write. And god damn it, I finally have!  
  
People who read this before, do not think it will follow the lines of Flambez La Fleur at all. Flambez La'fleur isn't even the name of the main character (who name I will not mention for chapter spoilers); he (another unknown name, a name that will spoil coming chapters) doesn't sing at all (sorry, it just couldn't fit in this anymore). Last, the story went from Romantic/Fluffy to Drama/Tragedy. So, I'll say this. This story is NOT Flambez La'fleur in so many ways imaginable. If people who read it before do not wish to read it now, I see no problem (though, I like this one a lot better!).  
  
*  
  
She couldn't help but stare. Thousands of people had shown up, just for her. She had been surprised when she found out her first concert was sold- out, along with most of the ones to come, but as she stared out at the massive amounts of people shouting, chanting, and cat-calling, she would never have guess it would have been like this. Never, ever. It truly was amazing.  
  
As she stepped up to the microphone, the entire crowd burst out in applause. She smiled brightly, blinking her eyes as the spotlight moved straight to her.  
  
"Oh, thank you all so, so much for being here!" She spoke into the microphone. The crowded yelled and screamed - happily, mind you - at this. "This is my first ever concert, and I hope you all have some fun!" She looked around the first row, and then pointed to a girl about twelve years old. A second spotlight then moved to the girl, who was pointing to herself in question and was grinning like crazy. "What would you're name be?"  
  
"Oh my god, um, um - My name's Jessie!" Jessie called back, still smiling.  
  
"Nice to meet you, Jessie!" She said, watching as one of the men on the floor who handled everything handed her a few backstage passes. "And what song should I sing first, then?"  
  
"Um," Jessie began, quickly going over songs. "I think, maybe, Only Hope?"  
  
"Oh, good choice!" The singer said with another bright smile. "Here we go!"  
  
A light piano started in the background, playing its soft and beautiful rhythm that would follow the song the entire time. She smiled, stepping back a bit, taking the microphone with her.  
  
"There's a song that's inside of my soul, It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again. I'm awake in the infinite cold, But you sing to me over and over and over again."  
  
She watched as the crowd sang along, somehow knowing the words to her song when her first CD had only been out a day. Goodness, she felt so wonderful. Happiness spread through her. This was what she needed, right here.  
  
"So I lay my head back down, And I lift my hands and pray, To be only your's, I pray; To be only your's, I know now you're my only hope."  
  
She almost wanted to cry, singing the sad, slow song to the huge audience before her. Somehow, though, they didn't seem to notice, and she continued on, smiling and singing; watching as everyone sung along with her.  
  
"Sing to me the song of the stars. Of you're galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again. When it feels like my dreams are so far, Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.  
  
"So I lay my head back down, And I lift my hands and pray, To be only your's, I pray; To be only your's, I know now you're my only hope."  
  
Oh, the fans. They were wonderful. To be so popular so fast, that was an accomplishment. It endangered her so, though. The thought of everyone finding out who she really was, it was a hideous, horrible thought she didn't want to think about. Not at a time like this. A time where she should be happy; dancing and laughing, like her song suggested. The sad, sad song that brought back so many memories of the "before time," back when she was herself - her real self - and not some image she thought up so quickly in her dearest time of need. And, damn it, she didn't want to think of it. Not now; not ever. But it would come back.  
  
"I give you my destiny, I'm giving you all of me. I want your symphony, Singing in all that I am.  
  
"At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back!"  
  
The lights dimmed, darkening everything around her. Yet, one spotlight still remained, steady and straight on her. She sighed behind the microphone, happy the sad song was over; ready to sing whatever came next.  
  
"So I lay my head back down, And I lift my hands and pray, To be only your's, I pray; To be only your's, I pray; To be only your's, I know now, you're my only hope."  
  
She hummed a light beat as the song ended slowly, the piano playing throughout the background. As the music stopped completely, the light shining down on her faded off completely, leaving the stage in complete darkness. The crowd screamed and clapped loudly, making her smile - though they could not see her smiling.  
  
And with that, she fell, straight onto the stage with a soft thud. They only noticed it when the lights returned, and everyone gasped.  
  
Oh, what a strange way to start her first concert.  
  
*  
  
Two Years Later.  
  
It had turned out not to leave as much damage as she thought it would, but the memory of her fall still remained with her as she started each concert. Her fainting had been caused by major exhaustion, and only she seemed to know the real reason that had caused the exhaustion. The minor coma she had suffered from the fall had only lasted a few days, and the numerous concerts she did shortly after had released the big commotion of the fall from the media right away.  
  
Thankfully, the memories that had haunted her that day had never came back. Then again, she had refused to sing Only Hope, explaining to everyone that it was a personal problem. The fans that she picked for the first song understood this, too; they respected her personal life, and she thanked them for that.  
  
But now, as she stared at the note she held in her hands, she felt she would break down again. The owl sitting on her window seal had scared her the moment she saw it coming, and now, it had only gotten worse. She wished the owl would just leave, but it clearly was waiting for a reply, or at least her opening the note. The note written on parchment. In his handwriting. She wanted dearly to just throw it straight into the fire, forget about it, like she had everything else.  
  
He knew, though. He knew who she really was. No, she wasn't the girl she had dreamed up and placed in front of the media. The girl everyone seemed to recognize; Verloren, that wasn't who she was; who she'd ever be, really.  
  
The note clearly stated who she was, in his bold, elegant handwriting that always had fascinated her.  
  
Hermione Annette Granger, the note read.  
  
*  
  
One Week Later.  
  
Hermione had refused to read the note, much to the owl's distaste. She had ran into her kitchen and grabbed her broom, swinging it near the owl, though careful never to hit it. With a rude look, the owl had flown off, clearly going straight to its owner to speak of the news.  
  
She had moved the note to her desk, sticking it in one of the drawers and making sure that it was beneath as many things as possible. She thought that maybe, just maybe, that would push the note from her memory. Forget ever looking at it; holding it. Forget about the pesky little owl that had sat in her window. Once again, forget about him.  
  
It never happened, though. It had haunted her thoughts almost everywhere she went; everything she did triggered the thought of that note, sitting beneath stacks and stacks of everything.  
  
At one point, she had stood before the desk, thinking about whether or not it would be wise to look at the letter. It had seemed like she stood there for hours, days maybe. That wasn't true, however, as it had turned out to only be a few minutes. And, despite what her heart screamed out to do, she had chosen to leave it there, her brain thinking that it was best. Her entire career was on the line if she opened that and something, anything, happened to trigger the truth back into her. To make her realize that this little fairyland she had thought up was all something that was distracting her from the truth.  
  
Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. She didn't want to answer the question herself, so she walked away slowly, though she never looked back.  
  
And the letter continued to haunt her by day and night; she had bags under her eyes when she awoke from the small amounts of sleep had the nights before. She had to use her wand to erase them and brew a quick Pepper Up Potion to give her motivation. But, it just wasn't enough.  
  
*  
  
Three Days Later.  
  
She held the note in her had, finally bringing up the Gryffindor courage she had held through the years.  
  
Well, most of it. She had yet to open the letter. She chose to just stare at it for awhile, her brain and heart fighting a battle that had a bad consequence either way.  
  
"Brain and heart had a race, All around the pillow case..." Hermione mumbled out loud, still staring down at the letter. "Who fell down and broke their face?"  
  
That was a question she had yet to answer. But her heart and brain screamed at her, almost pointing fingers at the other. She smiled then, her fingers moving under the clasp, preparing to open the letter.  
  
And she did.  
  
"Dearest Hermione,  
  
I hope this answers the question that went through you head as you thought whether to open this or not:  
  
Brain fell down and broke her face, Heart said, "Ha ha, I won the race.  
  
Glad you finally decided to open this. And don't worry, I'm not spying. Hell, this is in ink. Written the day you received it.  
  
I'm rather sorry about my owl, she can be really rude at times. And, she always expects a reply from everyone; I'm sure you noticed.  
  
Now, I don't know how long it's taken you to decide to open it, but I know you. You didn't open it right away. Not at all. It's probably taken you about a week and a half; and then you had to go and mumble that poem you always use to decide.  
  
Yes, I know you that well.  
  
Just, say something when you get this. I won't sign it; the media's a hideous thing to mess with. But I'm sure you know who I am. But I also know who you are, outside of that house of your's. You can't get away from me, Hermione. I've given you time with this letter; but you'll see me around soon.  
  
I miss you, my love."  
  
She stared at the letter, reading it over and over. There was no mistaking who it was from, though she'd never admit it out loud. She'd see him soon, she knew it. He'd haunt her dreams; she'd see him everywhere she went. And then, she'd really see him.  
  
And she'd run; run away from him like she had three years ago. Back when everything had ended. Ended with thunder and lightning and loud crashes.  
  
Placing the letter down, she curled up on the couch, resting her head on her knees and wrapping her arms around her legs, staring down at the dark until the tears poured from her eyes.  
  
*  
  
Two Days Later.  
  
She heard the alarm clock ringing, echoing off her walls. She was sure it could be heard throughout the house; the empty house that it was, save her and Crookshanks. She reached her hand over to the bedside table, blindly searching for the alarm clock. She hit the snooze button hard when she found it, rolling over and hoping for another fifteen minutes of peaceful sleep.  
  
Goodness knows, she needed it.  
  
As she stared at the open window before her, bright sunlight shining in from the sky, she realized that she couldn't sleep at all, now that she was awake. She sat up in bed, reaching a hand over to turn off the alarm clock; it hit the floor with a loud, echoing thud as her hand knocked it off the small table.  
  
Standing from the bed, goosebumps raced up her body as her bare feet met the cold marble floor. She moved slowly, dragging her feet along with her as she crossed the room and descended down the stairs; slowly, one step at a time, holding tightly onto the rail.  
  
She felt so numb now, even as she noticed the owl waiting for her, holding another note. She took the note from the creature, shooing it off and slamming the window closed behind it. She couldn't be bothered with the note, the first had ruined her. Quickly filling the chimney with logs, she lit a fire, throwing the note into it. It burned to ash almost immediately, and she smiled.  
  
She'd almost gotten rid of the thought of him.  
  
She stared out the window, watching as birds filtered continuously out of the trees. The morning was a peaceful time of day to her, uninterrupted by anything at all. And she was thankful for it.  
  
*  
  
Later That Day.  
  
As she stared into the mirror, she almost wanted to pull her hair out. The note had triggered something in her, something that made her want to be Hermione, not Verloren. But Hermione was lost now.  
  
Hermione was lost behind short, straight hair in a flaming red colour. Hermione was lost behind hazel eyes. Hermione was lost behind everything that Verloren chose to cover her with.  
  
She brought a hand up, pulling at a piece of her hair. Gently, at first, and then harder and harder. Tears streaked her eyes and she winced at the pain. She let go, then, staring her hands as though they were stained with red paint. She couldn't believe what she had just tried.  
  
*  
  
That Night.  
  
"Damn it, you knew there was a concert today, and you go and make yourself all late for rehearsal!" Jerry Bon, her day manager yelled, rather loudly, at her. She closed her eyes, counting as slow as possible, blocking out what he was saying. "... Do you understand?"  
  
"Oh, um, yeah?" Hermione replied uncertainly. "Yes, sir. Completely. Crystal clear."  
  
"Right, then," Jerry said, more calmly, and complete oblivious to her never paying attention. "Just, go out there and make them proud."  
  
"Who?" She asked, being pushed gently towards the stage.  
  
"The people, idiot," He replied, handing her a headset and pushing her into the darkness a bit behind the center stage.  
  
She quickly put the headset on, plastering a smile across her face and running out to the center stage. "Hello! Welcome to the concert, everyone!" She said, looking around that everyone. They all never ceased to amaze her.  
  
"I think that today, I won't start out the concert with some boring, long speech," She continued. "And, much to many of you in the front row's dismay, I've chosen the first song myself. How about, 'I Want Love'?"  
  
The crowd screamed and cheered anyway, and no one seemed to care of the absence of a fan choosing the first song.  
  
"All right, let's do this... One, two, three."  
  
Instruments started behind her, playing very softly and near silent. As they had rehearsed days before, drops of water - in the vision of rain - began to pour from above the stage, immediately soaking everything in the center of it, where she was standing.  
  
"I want a cup that overflows with love, Although it's not enough to fill my heart. I want a barrel full of love, Although I know it's not enough to fill my heart. I want a river full of love, But then I know the holes will still remain. I need an ocean full of love, Although I know the holes will still remain.  
  
What would probably be the most dramatic part in any of her concerts was coming soon, and she smiled slightly, feeling the last few drops of water bounce against her skin.  
  
"And this Swiss-cheese heart knows, Only kindness can fill its holes. And love can dry my tears, As pain disappears."  
  
There was a pause in the music, and most of the concert hall was silent. They all waited a few seconds, wondering what was happening, and then screamed and cheered as flames shot from the edges of the stage, becoming a blazing fire.  
  
"I need a miracle and not someone's charity. One drop of love from him, And my heart's in ecstasy. The high that is sending me, Is most likely ending me. I need a miracle and not someone's charity."  
  
She looked around the hall as she sang, searching and searching, though she knew not what for. It came to her soon, though; she was searching for him. Even with the vast number of people there, she knew he wasn't in the crowd. He wouldn't show just yet.  
  
She stopped searching then, instead running around and shaking as many hands as possible, smiling at everyone as she went.  
  
"Fill up my heart with love, Oh, you'd be amazed at how little I need from him, To feel complete here and now. Stirring within me, Are these feelings I can't ignore. I need a miracle and that's what I'm hoping for.  
  
"I need a miracle and not someone's charity. One drop of love from him, And my heart's in ecstasy. The high that is sending me, Is most likely ending me. I need a miracle and not someone's charity, now. Oh, baby."  
  
She remembered where the lyrics had come from. Straight out of her diary, when she was sixteen. They were meaningful lyrics; though only she and the him described in the song knew what it was about. The him she had been searching for. Him, who had sent her two letters.  
  
"Anybody's love but his will never fill this space within me. Now doctor, give me what I need to free my heart from misery."  
  
This wasn't the time to think about him. She couldn't dare ruin another concert. So, she continued to sing, becoming exhausted after awhile, but pushing herself like the musician she was.  
  
As the concert ended, she said her goodbye to the fans and ran off the stage, tears streaming down her face. She ignored people who tried to get in her path; her path leading home. Now was a time to be alone, without help or pity. She ran, all the way to her car and sped down the road.  
  
She reached her house, ran out of the car and to her front door, where she collapsed, hugging her knees to her and crying as she had two nights before.  
  
He was ruining her, and they both knew it.  
  
*  
  
There you go, everyone, the first chapter of Lost. I seriously hope you liked it. Please, please leave a comment and any suggestions, it'd make me so happy! :D  
  
By the way, songs used in the chapter are: Only Hope by Mandy Moore and I Want Love from the Silent Hill 3 soundtrack.  
  
And last, I'm sorry to say, but Word and fanfiction.net hate it when I use HTML, so no italics, etc. for anyone. Sorry!  
  
~ LiBeTh. 


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